So I’ve tried to keep it as quiet as possible to avoid A) second guessing everything and B) other people blaming everything on meds withdrawal.
Now I’m not going the whole hog. I started on 10mg about 13 months ago, then I went up to 20mg for about 3 months. But then I was so spaced out and couldn’t remember the simplest thing (the name of my sister’s dog for example), it just couldn’t continue. I have a demanding job that definitely requires not being half asleep at my desk. I figured three months was long enough.
So 8 weeks ago I dropped down to 10mg again. Nothing happened for 4 weeks, which I understand is due to the long half-life of fluoxetine. But then things started to change. For about three intense days I had absolutely uncontrollable anger. Honestly, if someone coughed, or I couldn’t get my jumper on quickly, it became the world’s greatest atrocity. I only realised it might be a withdrawal thing after I’d spent an evening yelling at my boyfriend and realised I couldn’t find an actual reason. Thank goodness I ran out of steam.
Thankfully, that didn’t last long. My periods changed yet again. My sex drive has completely and utterly disappeared. It’s very obvious to me as I’ve always been a once a day kind of girl (where I can!). It’s really sad because things I know would have sent me wild just didn’t even register. Yet again my boyfriend demonstrates his ability to go to hell and back for me. I guess it must be true love.
Other than those things, and a growing nausea first thing in the morning, I’m doing ok.
I’m definitely more down than I was, but honestly? I’m so used to depression this doesn’t feel so bad. I feel the way I’m used to feeling but with a damn sight more positivity than before fluoxetine.
It’s been an interesting lesson so far. One thing is for sure: when I make the decision to come off fluoxetine completely it won’t be lightly.
And I really do want to come off the meds some day. They’ve changed my life, but I want and hope that I can hold onto the feelings and thoughts I’ve had sometimes since starting them and maybe just maybe… I can stay on an even keel. It’s not happened before. Who knows? It won’t be any time soon.